How do I feel about still being an escort?

*PLEASE NOTE: I have all but destroyed my archives since 2004 Well, ok, I have "drafted" them, so they cant be seen. I am going through them at the moment, so the content is bleak right now. This post is the only current post showing, and the few others I have chosen to display are from another world, back when I was much different . Several years old are the posts (that didnt sound gramamtically correct-I guess not too much has changed)
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What do I think about being a prostitute(escorting IS prostitution, no matter what certain girls tell themselves to rationalize what they are doing)?

Well first, I try to never define anybody by what they do for a living, therefore, I prefer to say "I work as a prostitute", rather than I AM a prostitute. Not just because of the negative societal stigma that is associated with the word prostitute (and all it entails) but because people are extremely mislead by what the word embodies and entails. So i suppose in a way, yes it does eventually go back to perception That said, my only concern with prostitution is what I feel about it, and it is not in any way shame based for me Thank GOD, as my entire upbringing was shame based, so I certainly don't need anything else in my life to be ;) Who can't relate to a little good old fashion family dysfunction ?

So, how do I feel about "prostituting"? lol Mixed feelings, mainly because I have now been doing it about 4 or so years, and have absolutely nothing to show for it in terms of a savings, etc. I just reread over this old post of mine from 2005, that was featured in Alexa's blog (back when Alexa's blog was awesome and not corporate, etcetera-sorry girl)for her Carnival of Sex series (who writes her blog now, anyway? Sure as heck isn't she). It sucks that since how I felt then, not much has changed in terms of finances, although I have gotten a bit betteralbeit making less money, due to the influx of craigslist hookers charging street hooker prices.


Do I feel shame? no. Do I feel objectified? Not really . Or at least, not in a negative way. Do I feel used,washed up, abused, raped, HELL NO, and if I read one more 'all prostitutes are victims and hate their work' piece by Melissa Farley, PhD of Prostitution Research & Education and her cronies, I will puke.

Taken verbatim from an article citing Farley:

Farley says that prostitution is sexual harassment, rape, battering, verbal
abuse, domestic violence, a racist practice, a violation of human rights,
childhood sexual abuse, a consequence of male domination of women and a
means of
maintaining male domination of women.
"All prostitution
causes
harm to
women," Farley writes.

I am sure Ms Farley truly believes in what she is doing, and for that I commend her However, on her site
http://www.prostitutionresearch.com/ for the most part, only references street prostitutes, who by majority, are working for drugs and their pimps and face many risks that the average Independent Escort does not. My problem with sites like Farley's is and with Farley's message, is that she doesn't take the time to research, and more importantly REPORT the other side -the thousands of women like myself who go into this willingly, who find many aspects of it liberating and empowering and who either flat out enjoy what they do, or who simply do not have a problem with it ..

Farley's position is part of the problem and is what helps to perpetuate the stigma of prostitution and forces it underground .
Treatment of prostitutes, namely street prostitutes, would not be as bad, imho, if there were not the societal stigma that is placed upon this profession which associates it with all things negative and BAAAAAD and men are evil parasites who seek to exploit the poor , enslaved hooker I mean what kind of statement is "prostitution is harmful to ALL women" (emphasis mine)? How would she know? Has she polled ALL women? I just can't stomach that type of all or nothing , mind-reading reporting.

So I know I kind of deviated from my initial topic (get used to it, it is my hallmark-heh) but to summarize, I do feel bad that I am still doing this, without anything substantial to show for it. However, in terms of prostitution itself, I couldn't possibly be any more accepting of it in general than I am now -in other words, I think it is swell, lol But I wasn't always ok with the fact that I was ok with the fact...lol I used to think something was wrong with me for being so accepting of it, until I realized one day that it was not ME, it was society (as referenced in another escorts blog, cant think of whom now, but a very poignant post) who was telling me it was bad. Once I was able to shed society's view of prostitution, i was able to be ok with my partaking of it.

I am writing this in a hurry, so I apologize if there is not alot of attention to detail, sentence structure, grammar, articulation,etc...LOL

Change in theme for me and this blog

It is really bizarre reading through all of my old archived posts. The reason you only see about 6 posts in the archive section, is because I "drafted" most of them, so that they will not show up.
Now that I have reread some of them, and I see the stark contrast in my writing and attitude between now and then, I probably definitely will not repost them.

I never wanted to turn this into a "bitching blog" and yet it seems now the only thing that inspires me to write, are rants, complaints, etcetera. I think when people read hooker blogs in which the hooker complains all the time or says negative things about her clients, people assume she hates her work. But for me, the hum drum day in, day out sessions just don't inspire me to write about-or more simply put "they are nothing to write home about", lol.

I used to have so many readers and linkers and I realized it was because I was not writing for myself,but rather writing what other people wanted to read about. Sure, the things I wrote about were honest, but they were not things I wanted to write about or things that I cared about.

Now I realize as I contemplate making another attempt to restart this blog, that it will probably be a blog that appears exactly how I didnt want it to appear in the first place:NEGATIVE! That is because the negative things are the only things that arouse enough passion (read: anger, emotion, etc) in me to write about. This business is so inherently UN-emotional, that for me, writing about the normal stuff evokes no emotion for me.

I hope that I can convey my dislikes about this work, without it appearing that I dislike what I do. Because that is one theme that has always been central to this blog and that is that I do not hate what I do and sometimes get a real lick out of it. Society is what placed the belief that all prostitutes hate what they do.I went into this thinking that I would and I was surprised that I did not. I have read that on other escort blogs as well.

We will see...

Lazy, sexy, beautiful, cool.....

I am in a slump, lol....I have been turning appts down left and right..I am one of those types that is often only motivated when in crisis mode, lol..Meaning if I need money or the rent is due, I will work and work, have a blast and then when everything is paid, get lazy...

Perhaps it is ADD'ism at it's finest, or perhaps I am just a lazy turd(but I don't smell like one, I promise). Either way, it is self defeating and defeats the purpose of a job like this. I think that we should utilize what we are given to it's fullest potential.

I was thinking the other day.."Where is this going"..I mean, I love the work..I have fun doing it..the money is great(when I actually take calls) and it is a great opportunity for someone to save and invest money for their future"..BUT, if you are only using it to pay the bills, than what;s the point?

It seems like that is what I have been doing lately..just working enough to pay my bills and live comfortably(i.e. buy 3 six shot espressos a day from Starbuck's at $4.00 a pop..it is the little things that make me happy:) ), but not enough to make a difference...I should/could have a new car right now...There are lots of things I should have.

I think when a girl does this kind of work, whether she likes it or does not , that she should have some goal in mind. Whether she plans on doing it as long as her body will let her or whether she has a number in mind to make and then stop..Either way, I think if there is no goal, per se, that it is easy to feel as if you are drifting...I think this is true of any job with little to no structure.


One can not be an escort forever...although tell that to some of the 55+ ladies who advertise on the web and duck when they reach out to bitch slap you with their newly purchased box of Depends...

Argh..if you are a lazy person in general, and always have been, it is not going to matter if you do this for a living or work in an office..the only difference is . that when you work in an office, you pretty much HAVE to go in, when you don't want to..the job makes the decision for you..With my work, it's lack of structure and discipline affords me the opportunity to work when I choose..

Now don't get me wrong, I work at least three days a week and always make sure I have made at least $1000 for that week..But my point is that I could easily be making $1000 per day, if I chose to! And I don't mean I have to take 5 appts to do so, either...When I think that I could easily make $8000-$10,000 a month, with little effort, it floors me to think that I choose not to..It is a choice, I suppose..At the same time, allot of my requests for appts come after midnight..I can usually take two appts in the day before 6pm, and then I could take one after 10pm, but could really take allot more than that...Two appts in a day to ME, is not excessive. I understand that agency girls often take a minimum of 5 per day! Whoa, talk about a sore vagina.....

RE: Appointment tonight

**PLEASE NOTE THIS POST IS ONE OF THE FEW FROM THE ARCHIVES I HAVE PIBLISHED.IT WAS WRITTEN IN DEC. 2004 WHEN I WAS STILL FAIRLY NEW TO THIS BUSINESS.8/20/2006-HH **

Well let's see...Unless you have been a provider(message boards euphemism for Escort), whose partial existence relies on being very oral (if you are a good provider, that is , and you LIKE giving oral, as I do) then you will never know the horror of having to perform fellatio on a man who is over 300 pounds.. Now, rRemember, this blog is here to please or entertain NOONE, so if you think my style is boring or offensive, please move on, as I will put no effort into how it is perceived....at the same time, I wish to offend noone as well, so please take this with the spirit it is intended : my thoughts and feelings as they pertain to being an escort-no offense intended.

When a man is obese, his penis is usually encased in a wall of fat that surrounds the entire groin, usually, completely obscuring it, to where you quite literally, have to push back the fat, with all of your might, to EXTRACT the penis from it's "shell"...Imagine if you will, the average crotch(Lord that word conjures up an ugly image)...If ignored it smells. If bathed, it does not smell, until it starts to sweat..Crotches ALREADY have an odor due to lymph glands in the area emititng smell, not to mention the obvious...Now imagine a crotch that is completely engulfed in fat or skin rolls. Imagine what builds up in between just regular rolls of fat, not even close to the crotch...THEN imagine , the smell that builds up from skin/fat rolls NEAR the crotch and rolls that completely ENGULF the crotch( I HATE that word-CROTCH-, BTW, but it seems like the only one appropriate for this exercise.)..OK...First of all, when bathing, I have found, from being forced to OBSERVE this situation, that someone that large is going to have a hard time scrubbing every inch if skin in that area...Anytime skin is constantly rubbing together, it is going to sweat...

When a man visits me, and I can tell he bather before coming over, I am confident, that he is going to be for the most part odorless, when shedding his undergarments.HOWEVER, when I see a man walking up to the door, who appears to be 250+ I get that crestfallen feeling of "oh shit...it doenst matter how long ago he bather, JUST ON THE CAR RIDE OVER ALONE, he will have accumulated stench, a stench like no other.

NOW, what to do about it? You obviously HAVE to ask the guy to shower..SO he showers..And guess what? He comes and lies down, and YES, the pee-pee is clean and odor free..BUT GUESS WHAT ? The skin that once engulfed his pee-pee, or even guys a little smaller than that who might not have the "fat castle" around the wee-wee, but still have plenty of extra skin around there, will still smell FAR WORSE that any actual genital odor EVER COULD. They don't understand this. You ask then to take s ashower, and they think that means they just have to wash their private parts..Hell the private parts smell is a Sunday Picnic compared to the groin are fat...*SIGH*

So THIS is where the dilemma and the "all knowing feeling of doom: when you see the big guy walk up that I spoke of at the beginning, comes in....You love to suck cock. You love your work. You want to be able to please every client you have, and yet, you KNOW, you just damn well know, that these type of appts, are going to leave two people disappointed. I LOVE giving ORAL SEX...and nobody likes giving oral sex to someone who stinks..But imagine a situation, where even if the guy takes a shower, you still aren't going to be able to give it your all,because there will still be stench? IT SUCKS

Soooo, if you are still with me, this brings me to my appt last nite...I had the "all knowing cloud of doom" as I saw the gentleman appear from the misty air and...oh, wait, no literary sounding references..Ok. I saw the guy approaching from the sidewalk(better? lol) and crestfallia came over me( can that be a derivative of crestfallen? "crestfallia? I like it)..He smelled very nice. Hair still damp from the shower, nice cologne, etc..And yet ,
I knew , looming in the deepest darkest corners of his under garments, was a smell that rivaled the Louisiana Swamp land....

I asked him to shower, and he obliged..I even tried to do what you really just cant do when you have just met someone and that is explain how certain areas need to be washed, which are often ignored....OMG...WTF!!

Nonetheless, he came back, laden with old green tattoos, and a pannus(medical term for flap of skin that protrudes down , usually the stomach) that hung well below his pelvic region....

The long and short of it is, he never came...he wanted to spend the entire time sucking my nipples, and dining at my netherregions, and I was pretty frustrated the whole time. I am not used to not taking control and going STRAIGHT to the wee wee and having FUN with it..It is hard to have fun with a wee-wee when it is encased in a foul smelling wall of skin..Apparently he had a great time and just needed someone to hold and play with and said he does not like blow jobs....

I am going to stop here....What can a girl do? Post on her website that she wont see a guy over 300 pounds? That would cut out some business, but more importantly it might give the wrong message to people reading it..They might not understand the reasons why....

The Hellish Harlot-Site introduction

In compostion....