Sunday, December 12, 2004

RE: Appointment tonight

**PLEASE NOTE THIS POST IS ONE OF THE FEW FROM THE ARCHIVES I HAVE PIBLISHED.IT WAS WRITTEN IN DEC. 2004 WHEN I WAS STILL FAIRLY NEW TO THIS BUSINESS.8/20/2006-HH **

Well let's see...Unless you have been a provider(message boards euphemism for Escort), whose partial existence relies on being very oral (if you are a good provider, that is , and you LIKE giving oral, as I do) then you will never know the horror of having to perform fellatio on a man who is over 300 pounds.. Now, rRemember, this blog is here to please or entertain NOONE, so if you think my style is boring or offensive, please move on, as I will put no effort into how it is perceived....at the same time, I wish to offend noone as well, so please take this with the spirit it is intended : my thoughts and feelings as they pertain to being an escort-no offense intended.

When a man is obese, his penis is usually encased in a wall of fat that surrounds the entire groin, usually, completely obscuring it, to where you quite literally, have to push back the fat, with all of your might, to EXTRACT the penis from it's "shell"...Imagine if you will, the average crotch(Lord that word conjures up an ugly image)...If ignored it smells. If bathed, it does not smell, until it starts to sweat..Crotches ALREADY have an odor due to lymph glands in the area emititng smell, not to mention the obvious...Now imagine a crotch that is completely engulfed in fat or skin rolls. Imagine what builds up in between just regular rolls of fat, not even close to the crotch...THEN imagine , the smell that builds up from skin/fat rolls NEAR the crotch and rolls that completely ENGULF the crotch( I HATE that word-CROTCH-, BTW, but it seems like the only one appropriate for this exercise.)..OK...First of all, when bathing, I have found, from being forced to OBSERVE this situation, that someone that large is going to have a hard time scrubbing every inch if skin in that area...Anytime skin is constantly rubbing together, it is going to sweat...

When a man visits me, and I can tell he bather before coming over, I am confident, that he is going to be for the most part odorless, when shedding his undergarments.HOWEVER, when I see a man walking up to the door, who appears to be 250+ I get that crestfallen feeling of "oh shit...it doenst matter how long ago he bather, JUST ON THE CAR RIDE OVER ALONE, he will have accumulated stench, a stench like no other.

NOW, what to do about it? You obviously HAVE to ask the guy to shower..SO he showers..And guess what? He comes and lies down, and YES, the pee-pee is clean and odor free..BUT GUESS WHAT ? The skin that once engulfed his pee-pee, or even guys a little smaller than that who might not have the "fat castle" around the wee-wee, but still have plenty of extra skin around there, will still smell FAR WORSE that any actual genital odor EVER COULD. They don't understand this. You ask then to take s ashower, and they think that means they just have to wash their private parts..Hell the private parts smell is a Sunday Picnic compared to the groin are fat...*SIGH*

So THIS is where the dilemma and the "all knowing feeling of doom: when you see the big guy walk up that I spoke of at the beginning, comes in....You love to suck cock. You love your work. You want to be able to please every client you have, and yet, you KNOW, you just damn well know, that these type of appts, are going to leave two people disappointed. I LOVE giving ORAL SEX...and nobody likes giving oral sex to someone who stinks..But imagine a situation, where even if the guy takes a shower, you still aren't going to be able to give it your all,because there will still be stench? IT SUCKS

Soooo, if you are still with me, this brings me to my appt last nite...I had the "all knowing cloud of doom" as I saw the gentleman appear from the misty air and...oh, wait, no literary sounding references..Ok. I saw the guy approaching from the sidewalk(better? lol) and crestfallia came over me( can that be a derivative of crestfallen? "crestfallia? I like it)..He smelled very nice. Hair still damp from the shower, nice cologne, etc..And yet ,
I knew , looming in the deepest darkest corners of his under garments, was a smell that rivaled the Louisiana Swamp land....

I asked him to shower, and he obliged..I even tried to do what you really just cant do when you have just met someone and that is explain how certain areas need to be washed, which are often ignored....OMG...WTF!!

Nonetheless, he came back, laden with old green tattoos, and a pannus(medical term for flap of skin that protrudes down , usually the stomach) that hung well below his pelvic region....

The long and short of it is, he never came...he wanted to spend the entire time sucking my nipples, and dining at my netherregions, and I was pretty frustrated the whole time. I am not used to not taking control and going STRAIGHT to the wee wee and having FUN with it..It is hard to have fun with a wee-wee when it is encased in a foul smelling wall of skin..Apparently he had a great time and just needed someone to hold and play with and said he does not like blow jobs....

I am going to stop here....What can a girl do? Post on her website that she wont see a guy over 300 pounds? That would cut out some business, but more importantly it might give the wrong message to people reading it..They might not understand the reasons why....

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Girl, you are dead rite! And its sad, cuz yousually the fat ones are the nicest ones, to.

Hellish Harlot said...

hmmm...well , considering I typed it very fast , in my worst typing and did not stop to chose imaginative and clever words, Ic an oly assume that youa re being sarcastic..ha ha..or that you are being sarcastic..ha ha..Remember, I said this was to please or entertain NOONE...it is an outlet for MOI! But, if in the process it helps you to understand the profession a bit more, then wundebar...BTW, if you were being sincere, thanks...it was purely by accident...

Anonymous said...

Excellent! I could not have said it betta myself!

Anonymous said...

it's true these guys can even have a smell of tinea rotting flesh between the legs that is overpowering when only giving a hand job - however there are some really big guys who were taught to wash properly and COME UP smelling fine - there are way too many guys who don't have the FORTHOUGHT to wash under their rancid smeggmaed foreskins while in the obligatory pre massage shower! - to whom I tell right at the crutial climax that their stink is sooo rank I can hardly breathe - I have been told I have a supersonic nose but a girlfriend in the biz who is handicapped with no sense of smell literally,sometimes becomes sick after the 1/2 hour rub and now knows why!

Anonymous said...

OMg, this is the funniest shit I have read in ages! Thank you for being so blunt and honest!